Are You Really That Curious?

Written by Matt Giesbrecht

“I was just curious.”

Over my time healing from my sex addiction, I have considered what it means when I or others
have said these words to explain why they turned to sexual sin. Whether having clicked an
online link, thumbnail, movie title, or another outlet leading to sexual sin, it’s easy to respond
by referencing curiosity. Lately, I’ve realized that there’s often more to it than simple curiosity.

Curiosity vs. Temptation

Think of curiosity as the desire to investigate something while ignorant of what we might find.

For instance, imagine moving into a new neighbourhood. One of your neighbours lives on a
property with a solid 10-foot perimeter fence. You’ve never met your neighbour, nor have you
stepped foot onto their property before. You hear all sorts of unfamiliar sounds coming from the yard but have no idea what makes them. All these unknowns create a curiosity about what’s
going on behind the fence.

This is different than exploring something with full knowledge that it may feed a sinful sexual
pattern.

When we deal with compulsive sexual behaviours, we know what’s involved in the outlets we
habitually choose because we’ve typically experienced them repeatedly.

I remember having to confess to my wife that I accessed explicit material. In requesting that the device's security pin be changed, she asked me why I had even tried to figure out the pin. To save face, my response was, “I was curious.” The truth? I knew exactly what I might find if I figured out the pin - and I found exactly that.

There was no ignorance on my part, nor was there curiosity. I simply gave into temptation.

Practical Wisdom for Spiritual Growth

When King David saw Bathsheba bathing on the roof of her house in 2 Samuel 11, he asked his
attendant to find out more about her, not because he was genuinely curious about her, but
because he desired to sleep with her. His intentions were entirely sinful. He had already seen her exposed. He had already had sex with other women. He knew exactly what his inquiry would lead to.

James 1:14 says, “Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away.”

Part of our spiritual growth in removing our sexual sin patterns ought to include dissecting curiosities and temptations when experiencing urges. It takes some time and practice to make this a habit, but it is both possible and practical.

I work in food manufacturing. If ever a nonconformity is discovered, a company practice is to
perform a root cause analysis. This is an investigation that consists of asking up to five 'whys',
resulting in a complete understanding why the problem occurred. I find that this concept can be
applied to our sexual habits.

When an urge comes, whatever it may be, the first question to ask ourselves might be ‘Why do
I want to do this?’

Within this first question are other possible questions:
‘Do I expect to find something specific? If yes, what is it? And what do I believe that will do for me?'
‘Is there potential that I might stumble across something I shouldn’t?’

The responses to these questions will uncover the truth behind our motives.

Once we’ve determined whether an urge is more than curiosity, we can ask further questions
that can help us understand the origins of our desires in the moment.

‘Which experience(s) triggered this urge?’
‘What unfulfilled desire am I seeking to fulfill?’
‘What will I feel later if I carry through on this urge and feed my addiction?’

Ultimately, each of us can remind ourselves of what Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 10:13-14:
“If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. The temptations in your life
are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the
temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a
way out so that you can endure.”

The one who thinks he or she stands strong may be the one saying, “I’m just curious, but I'm not addicted. I’ve got this.”

We need to remember that, at that point, the seed of sin has likely already been planted.

James continues in verse 15, “When sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.”

Leaving our motives unchecked allows sin to continue taking up room in our hearts. This stumps
our spiritual growth and keeps us bound to our sexual sin.

Practicing wisdom during perceived moments of curiosity demonstrates the God-given power that we have to overcome sin patterns. Going through the self assessment described above is a very
practical way to do this that will help with spiritual growth.

Freedom Lived Out

Besides our spiritual growth, taking practical steps to assess our choices when facing an urge is a way of
living out our God-given freedom from sexual bondage. Even if we don’t fully understand the
extent of this freedom, we exercise it every time we consider our motives this way before feeding an urge. In doing so, we are taking back self-control and reinforcing our confidence in the freedom Jesus paid for.

That’s pretty sweet!

See other Restored Ministries articles here. 

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